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Bieksa, by Bieksa

Friday, 20.01.2012 / 12:00 PM / Features
By Derek Jory
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Bieksa, by Bieksa

The Vancouver Canucks will take upwards of 50 flights while on the road throughout the 2011-12 season.

How the players pass time on Air Canucks is their business; some play cards, other read, watch movies or sleep.

During a recent flight from Tampa Bay to St. Louis, Kevin Bieksa agreed to take part in an experiment, one we hope becomes a regular feature on Canucks.com.

I pre-wrote Bieksa's life story, well the gist of it anyways, but left out key words for him to fill in. It's like a custom Mad Libs story, with the credit for using it in this manner going to GQ Magazine.

Without further ado, here's Bieksa, by Bieksa.

First things first, it's BEE-ecks-ah, NOT Bee-eska. I'm looking at you MOM.

I go by Kevin, middle name Francesco, but I'm not short on nicknames, including JUICE. Growing up in Grimsby, Ontario, a town best known for PEACHES, my friends called me BTOWN (long story).

My childhood was fairly routine, I was a DEVIANT kid who didn't get in trouble much; justly or not I was a saint in my parent's eyes, but they still don't know about the time I STOLE THEIR CAR.

I skated for the first time at 18-months-old, not that I really recall that. It didn't take me long to fall in love with hockey, I couldn't get enough of the GAME. I still can't. Hockey was everything to me in my early years, but it was just for fun, I didn't even think of playing professionally, I actually wanted to be a DENTIST when I grew up.

My first organized hockey team was the LANFIELD CANUCKS and I played EVERY POSITION. We all did. It's just what you did. I learned a lot about hockey in my early years, especially to always WEAR A JOCK, but never PEE IN IT. That's good advice right there.

Enough about hockey, let's discuss something important like HAND SHAKES. I follow someone on Twitter who was talking about it the other day and it really got me thinking. WITH SO MANY DISEASES SHOULD WE ADOPT THE "HEAD BOW"? No? We can agree to disagree. But I'm right. I'm always right. Ask my kids.

Being a father is easily the EASIEST thing I've ever done. My son Cole, who I call COCO, and my daughter Reese, my little PRINCESS, are incredible kids, they remind me every day OF THE IMPORTANT THINGS. I'd describe myself as a HANDS ON type of dad; I'm LOVING and also SUPPORTIVE. You have to be.

I don't typically make New Year's Resolutions, but the one thing I want to accomplish in 2012, aka the year of the MILK HOT DOG, is to ARREST SOMEONE. I've always wanted to. Why not now! Today's the day! Seize the moment! I should really work for VPD with that kind of go-getter attitude. Maybe I will when I retire. Nah, retirement will be my time to EAT and SLEEP the days away. That'll be swell.

A lot of people have been asking me about MILK HOT DOGS recently. It was an inside thing. We have a lot of fun in the dressing room. To satisfy your curiosity, I will tell you this: THE TWINS PUT ME UP TO IT. Keep that to yourself, no one knows that. Or, on the flip side, that I LISTENED TO THEM.

And with that I'll conclude this FORCED activity, one I hoped to NOT BE taking part in. Anything for Canucks.com, that Derek Jory guy sure is CREEPY.

I leave you the best words of wisdom I can think of right now: "BE THE CHANGE" - THANKS GANDHI, CAN YOU BE MOST SPECIFIC...

Sincerely,

Kevin WOLVERINE Bieksa (BEE-ecks-ah)